Happy New Year!
"So don’t remember what happened in earlier times. Don’t think about what happened a long time ago, because
I am doing something new! Now you will grow like a new plant. Surely
you know this is true. I will even make a road in the desert, and rivers
will flow through that dry land."
Isaiah 43:18-19
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Where to begin! I honestly was not
expecting to write another update email...and even if I did, I was not
expecting it to be so soon...but it's funny how things change, and how
our plans are not always in line with what the Lord has planned.
Since I'm not sure where to start, I will just jump in. I am moving
back to California at the end of the month! Or rather, beginning of
February. It was not a decision that I made lightly. It is also not a
decision that was really in my list of options until very recently. I
had every intention of staying in Europe. I really enjoy living here and
what I am doing here. I had been thinking of leaving where I am
teaching, but even with that, I had not thought of leaving Europe. Not
really at least.
But like I said, things have changed...the list of reasons is
enormous...too many to really get into...but I think the reality is, the
Lord has been working on getting me out of Europe since I left
Romania. I've been feeling the door closing to this time in my life for
a while now, but haven't really known what it meant.
I still don't really know what it means actually! In 2007 I began this
new way of living my life, a walk of faith and trusting in God to
provide for me and lead me. It has been an incredible journey...each
time I feel like it has been a bigger step of faith than the previous
time. It's not easy friends...trust me...this life is hard...and
sometimes it doesn't make a ton of sense. But there is a peace that
comes with it, and an assurance that the Lord knows what He is doing
even when I don't know what He is doing. And I am in that place again.
This morning I had what I am sure will be one of many breaking down
moments this month. I was crying at the thought of leaving, not because
I am not excited to be back in the US, but because the end of anything
is sad...but also there is a fear of, "What the heck am I doing? I don't
even have a job to go back to this time??" I've never turned in my
notice without a job waiting for me before. Even when I moved home from
Romania last time I had a job waiting for me.
So this morning, I was praying, and I asked the Lord if He would be
faithful like He has in the past and confirm to me this is the right
move. No joke friends, He did, as He always does through my devotional
time. I went to a coffee shop, opened up my devotional to today's date,
and...well...my mouth hit the table. It was like Jesus was having a
conversation with me, replying to all of my doubts and fears. Here is
what I opened my devotional to:
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Will You Go Out Without Knowing?
By Oswald Chambers
“He went out, not knowing where he was going.” — Hebrews 11:8
Have you ever “gone out” in this way? If so, there is no logical answer
possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the most
difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, “What do you expect
to do?” You don’t know what you are going to do. The only thing you know
is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude
toward God to see if you are willing to “go out” in every area of your
life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in
constant wonder, because you don’t know what God is going to do next.
Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to “go out,”
building your confidence in God. “…do not worry about your life…nor
about the body…” (Luke 12:22). In other words, don’t worry about the things that concerned you before you did “go out.”
Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you.
God does not tell you what He is going to do— He reveals to you who He
is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you “go out” in
complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by
anything He does?
Believe God is always the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to
Him. Then think how unnecessary and disrespectful worry is! Let the
attitude of your life be a continual willingness to “go out” in
dependence upon God, and your life will have a sacred and inexpressible
charm about it that is very satisfying to Jesus. You must learn to “go
out” through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to
the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God.
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God is faithful. So I don't have a lot of
answers right now..I am pretty overwhelmed by the idea of moving back to
the states honestly...so I covet your prayers for me. I need them! I
want to finish this journey in Poland well, and I want to leave having
been a blessing. I also ask that you pray for my future and what God
has in store for me next.
Lots of love,
Rachel
